So. Abraham left me a comment recently, asking why I became a Mormon. Abraham is a friend from way back - we used to go to Methodist youth activities together.
This is a question I’ve been pondering a lot myself over the last couple of months. The decision for Shaun and I to head back to church wasn’t one I took lightly - it was a long, somewhat challenging process of re-evaluating my beliefs, my way of life and ultimately, what I wanted my life to be. I took a serious look at the reasons I’d left, what I had left behind and added up the pro’s and con’s. This might seem like a strange way to look at one’s belief system, but it worked for me.
My “con” list consisted of:
Problems with some of the church history - the way things are taught versus the way things actually seem to have happened, based on further reading and study.
Fallacies within the Book of Mormon and it’s historical authenticity.
The want for all LDS individuals/families to conform to a “cookie-cutter” idea of life - I felt this robbed people of individuality and ultimately, their ability or desire to make decisions for themselves.
On the other hand, there was my pro list:
The desire to begin, and raise, a family in the church environment - good people, good morals etc.
The desire to be sealed in the Temple and recieve my endowments.
Wanting to surround myself with positive influences.
The feeling in my heart was that I needed to be back at church.
Other than living with Shaun (which I still love, by the way!) I hadn’t really gained anything extra through leaving. Unless you count the hangovers!
And probably the most important - I still had my testimony of everything that mattered.
There are points I’m still struggling with, but they can be worked on. If you think you can help me out with anything, please get in touch! I’d love to hear from you, because I would really like to be at peace with some of the points that are troubling me.
Anyroad, the thing that stood out the most for me was the fact that although at the time the various problems I’d had with historical authencitity of certain things within the church seemed like the be-all-and-end-all of my faith, 6-7 months down the line I couldn’t remember any of the individual points that had rung such alarm bells, and in all honesty it didn’t seem at all important next to the feeling I had in my heart that I was part of something more important than all that. Even if things didn’t happen the way they’re taught, well, so what?! People are exactly that - people. We’re all human, we all make mistakes. Perhaps, thinks I, this is why Boyd K Packer said “all things that are true are not necessarily useful“. I used to be so incredibly incensed when I saw this phrase - it was absolutely disgusting and abominable to me- how DARE he suggest that people suppress the truth? That isn’t what I’m about, thankyouverymuch.
But now… Now I have a different perspective. I think I can understand why he said that… I think it’s along the same lines (although a very extreme example) of teaching a five year old child about sex education. You wouldn’t want someone to have too much information thrown at them before they were ready.
NOW, I can look at the information I discovered and shrug my shoulders and say, “so what?”. I can accept fallacies with a pinch of salt, and still have my faith. Before, what happened was, I had my happy little image of the church and all things therein (although I had a few “niggles”, there was nothing life-shattering or incredibly important that I couldn’t learn to live with). I came across a few things I didn’t like and that was it for me. I wasn’t strong enough in my faith, in my personal beliefs, and in the decisions I’d made, to be able to look past what I’d discovered to the bigger picture. I wasn’t ready. If I’d come across the information later on, perhaps after a few more months/years, I would be able to take it all in my stride. As it was, I got incredibly upset, freaked out and ran away with my fingers in my ears going, “LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOUUU!!”.
As for the cookie-cutter existence, I think the few months I’ve been away have given me a new perspective. I WANT the cookie-cutter life - to a certain extent. I want the big family, I want that family to have good morals and to be brought up in a positive environment. I enjoy the way of life church gives to it’s members. I think I just felt completely suffocated with trying to be everything for everyone all at once. I was trying too hard to be the “good church girl”. I was trying too hard to be everything to my friends, my parents, church friends, the Bishop, people at work… Because I thought that was what was required of me. I burned myself out, in that respect. Now, I can take a step back and not feel that I have to always be 100%. I can be human. I can be myself, and still be living right. And guess what? It’s OK to take a step back and take some time for yourself every once in a while. We all need that.
Hmm. I realise I’ve veered a long way away from my original question, however the basic point I’m trying to make is this: I love my religion. I have come to realise that having faith is a decision as much as it is anything else. I’ve matured a heck of a lot, spiritually speaking, in the last few months, and have come to realise that I can be my own person, and still have problems whilst having faith. I love the principles and doctrines of the Mormon religion, and in a lot of ways it appeals to me much more than the mainstream Christian faith I was a part of growing up. I’ll go in to more reasons why at a later date. Maybe. If I feel like it!
Anywho. Enough for now.
PS. In six minutes time I will have completed two out of the five Sundays spent at work! Almost halfway there! 
*grump*
